Author: will

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Two pieces of news recently broke that might seem unconnected, but are really quite related. The first is from an anonymous source within the White House; he leaked that Biden is apparently so inept that, whenever the Wi-Fi router goes out at his home in Delaware, he has to call over the electronic warfare specialist in the Secret Service to fix it. The second is from Biden himself. He, taking to the stage during the recent World Economic Forum event in Switzerland, called for a…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following the emergence of a video of Kamala Harris telling Americans that it’s time for them to accept a gun control regime that involves the confiscation of “assault weapons” while being guarded by Secret Service agents carrying machine pistols, the Democrats adopted a new gun control slogan to lean into the optic of calling for gun control while being surrounded by armed security. What is that new slogan? Simple: “guns for pols, not proles!” Explaining the new phrase and why her party switched to it,…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The feds really, really don’t want Elon Musk to buy Twitter and turn it into a pro-free speech platform. Worried that he’ll turn it into a free-speech platform rather than one that cracks down on speech that’s not good for the regime, they’re now willing to pull out all the stops to block him from acquiring the site and enabling criticism of their demented policies. Apparently, that even includes getting the FBI to start making up things about him as it has done with other…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli, the young pharmaceutical executive who hiked drug prices enormously before being sent to prison, was recently released from prison early, with Fox News reporting that: Notorious “pharma bro” Martin Shkreli was released from federal prison into a halfway house on Wednesday, the Bureau of Prisons confirmed to Fox News Digital. Shkreli was sentenced to seven years in federal prison on fraud charges in 2017, and his release date was originally scheduled for September 2022. Shkreli was being held at the FCI…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Elon recently announced that he would have to vote for a Republican in the upcoming election, saying: In the past I voted Democrat, because they were (mostly) the kindness party. But they have become the party of division & hate, so I can no longer support them and will vote Republican. Now, watch their dirty tricks campaign against me unfold … 🍿 Judging by the relentless hatestream from the far left, this tweet was spot on https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1527297765599981574 Well, that quickly escalated once DeSantis saw the…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Klaus Schwab raised eyebrows on Tuesday when he, as part of a WEF speech on the necessity of fighting climate change by switching from fossil fuel power to wind power, said: “And now I call on everyone, the people here exempted, of course, to fully participate in their role fighting the angry sun monster on the behalf of mother Earth! “Like in the world’s past, the 21st century will be powered not by the dirty coal, smog-producing oil, and scary nuclear power of the 20th…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Bill Edwards, a Houston-area plumber decided to start taking night classes at his local community college, seeing the classes as a way to better his mind. The first one, a class on World War I and the technological innovations that occurred during it thanks to naval combat near Gallipoli and trench warfare on the Western Front, went reasonably well, given that Bill used to be mentally sharp as a tack and the subject matter, though surprisingly specialized, was quite interesting. Particularly liking the section on…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. What should be done about the baby formula shortage that has sent infants to the hospital and parents into the darkest pits of worry as they scrounge for the infant formula that’s been sent to the border rather than supermarkets? According to NIH Director Tony Fauci, the answer is “nothing.” Appearing on Brian Stelter’s “Reliable Sources” shortly after Hunter Biden’s disastrous, crack-focused interview Fauci excoriated Americans for daring to worry more about their children than the “continuing threat posed by Covid”, as the segment introduction…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Hunter Biden, recovering crackhead, CCP lobbyist, and son of the sitting president, decided to wade into the baby formula debate to offer his helpful advice on Wednesday in a move some expect was a ploy to draw fire off of his father. Taking to Brian Stelter’s “reliable sources” to tell Americans how they should be responding to the current shortage, Hunter relied on his own life experience to give some what he thought to be helpful hints on how to make it through. Speaking to…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Bill Gates is a close friend of WEF supervillain-in-chief Klaus Schwab, the infamous “eat ze bugs” guy. As such, Bill, typically a fan of the fake meat diet over the bug meat diet, has gradually come around to Klaus’ cockroach and mosquito-based diet plans. Taking advantage of his newfound knowledge to try and get in on “the market” before it’s saturated with plenty of bug-based goodies, Bill decided to get in on the bug food craze with his own sports drink. Based around ground-up cockroach…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Michael Sussmann made the mistake of working as a lawyer for the Clinton Campaign. That put him in close proximity to the Clintons, a couple who have a suspicious number of “friends” turn up dead after saying they’ll testify about what the Clintons are up to. Yet worse, Mike decided to do sketchy things for the Clintons which, though it put him in Killary’s good graces, was a bad idea in that it meant he’d be in the very, very dangerous position of likely having…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. There was a bit of a mixup in the great state of Pennsylvania on election day: an unfortunate movie rerun, a similar-sounding name, and a complete lack of voters willing to research the candidates who they are voting for all created the perfect brew of a massive mixup leading to wide levels of voter discontent. Apparently, the night before the election, PA-area TV stations decided, on a whim, to play The Wizard of Oz, thinking that it would be a fun movie to play, particularly given…

NOTE: This article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. There are various powerful lobbies in D.C. that freshman Congressmen need to be made aware of so that they can stay on the good side of those lobbies. There are Big Tobacco and Big Oil, groups that conservatives have to stay on the right side of. There’s Big Tech and the Rainbow Flag Mafia, which fill a similar role for the left. There are interest groups like AIPAC, the UFO people, and the NRA that no one who could possibly be deleteriously affected by those interest…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Jen Psaki was happy to hear that she has been sorely missed after only a day of being gone when, on Tuesday, the Biden Administration took to Twitter to beg her to return in the wake of the disaster seen when M. Jean-Pierre tried responding to Peter Doocy yesterday during the press conference. Tweeting out a long thread in which it begged Psaki to return and insisted that it had learned its lesson after just one day, the official White House Twitter account posted a…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. With Elon buying Twitter, or at least acting like he will if certain bot-related issues sort themselves out or are figured out in more detail, Twitter decided to back down from its previous Trump policy and unban the former president. Resigned to what he must do, current CEO Parag Agrawal hit a red button in his office and lifted the ban, weeping many salty, delicious leftist tears as he did so. Trump, though previously saying he wouldn’t rejoin Twitter even if unbanned, returned to the…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Recently, there was yet another tragedy, a horrific mass shooting. No one except the sickest among us are happy when such things happen, but some more than others feel the need to take advantage of them for political gain. That’s exactly what Biden and Governor Hochul of New York are trying to do, using the shooting to claim that it’s high time we use anti-gun regulations to crack down on assault weapons. They’re using the tragedy for political gain, using the blood of the innocent…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Reynold P. Chamberlain is a once-acclaimed, now broke breeder of golden retrievers based in Austin, Texas. What is it that sent him on the path from fame, acclaim, and riches into grinding poverty and the depths of public mockery? Wokeness. Here’s how. Reynold used to be an expert at breeding goldens, the best in the country. He’d study their genealogies and characteristics of their bloodlines minutely, choosing only the best males of certain qualities and females of certain qualities to breed and sell. He’d pore…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. BLM was caught purchasing yet another mansion for co-founder Patrice Cullors, this one a veritable palace. Surrounded by a nine-foot-high wall and beautiful tropical flowers and palm trees, the 10,000 square foot, marble-covered mansion in San Bernandino was seen as an excessive purchase, even for the obvious grifters in BLM. As such, BLM’s purchase of the Nero-like palace for Cullors was called out by right and left, with the right hitting her for “hypocrisy” as is usual, and the left attacking her for using the…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Please treat it as such. CNN recently made major news when, for the first time in years, it reported on news that wasn’t complimentary of Democrats. That’s right, Brian Stelter’s network took the wild step of slightly criticizing Biden for lying on the Internet, saying that he had lied about the Covid jab and sharing the truth about it and Trump. Well, though Jeff Zucker is gone, much of the CNN old guard is still there and it was far from happy with the idea that something the network…

NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Team Biden’s DOJ and FBI both faced yet another embarrassment on Monday when the FBI was caught, thanks to a whistleblower that outed the agency to Revolver News, aiding the Red Chinese and North Koreans in setting up political dissidents for crimes. Apparently, and this is based on the details given Darren Beattie and Revolver by the whistleblower, the FBI was directed by Biden to talk to China about “State Security” and “preserving order.” Director Wray wasn’t opposed to cracking down on conservative Americans and…