Nation’s Parents Anxiously Pray for Higher Gas Prices So They Have an Excuse to Not Travel to the Beach, Sit in Sweltering Sun with Whining Kids on July 4th
Following Disastrous “Gaystronaut” Movie, Disney Executives Shocked to Discover Americans Don’t Want Gay Sex Scenes in Pixar Movies
Gavin Newsom Forced to Import Zimbabwe’s Trillion-Dollar Bills after Giving Out Free Money to Fight Inflation
US Marines Shocked to Discover China Not Deterred by Rainbow Helmets, Flight Suits for Pregnant Women
Career GOP Hacks Describe Dobbs as “Unfortunate Because Trump did It”; Jonah Goldberg Seen Sobbing that “Trump Won”
LOL: Elon Trolls Lori Lightfoot, Offers to Buy Chicago to “Unlock Value”, Make It a “Functional City” Again