Upon Hearing Latest US Military Policy, China Pledges to Fully Fund, Expand Its “Pronoun Warfare” Division
Biden Bans Lessons on Fall of Rome in American Schools, Citing “Racist” Lessons about Mass Migration Ending the Empire
Liz Cheney Attacks “#Gentleminions” Trend as an “Insurrection”, Orders FBI to Investigate “Russian Influence Operation”
Scholars Find “Denying Access to Puberty Blockers” Included in the “history of repeated injuries and usurpations” Draft of Declaration of Independence
Katanji Jackson Secretly Happy Dobbs Decided Before She Became a Justice Because She Still Has No Idea What a Woman Is
Nation’s Parents Anxiously Pray for Higher Gas Prices So They Have an Excuse to Not Travel to the Beach, Sit in Sweltering Sun with Whining Kids on July 4th
Following Disastrous “Gaystronaut” Movie, Disney Executives Shocked to Discover Americans Don’t Want Gay Sex Scenes in Pixar Movies
Gavin Newsom Forced to Import Zimbabwe’s Trillion-Dollar Bills after Giving Out Free Money to Fight Inflation
US Marines Shocked to Discover China Not Deterred by Rainbow Helmets, Flight Suits for Pregnant Women
