BIDEN DEAD: Kamala Investigated, “Dr.” Jill Sues LifeAlert after Biden Falls and Doesn’t Get Back Up

Military Shocked to Discover that Pronoun Badges, Rainbow Paint Schemes Don’t Stop Chinese Missiles

Team Biden, Fed Boldly Say Nuclear War with China “Not Going to Lead to Recession” Thanks to Diversity

Woke Starbucks Shocked “Free Coffee for Convicts” Program Led to More Robberies Outside Stores

Lia Thomas Tries Out for “Man of the Year” after “Woman of the Year” Doesn’t Work Out

Border Czar Kamala to Make Illegal Immigrants Share Their Pronouns

“I Need to Spend Less Time in Bathhouses”: Mayor Pete On Sick Leave for Monkeypox

Court Finds Bannon, 330 Million Other Americans Guilty of “Contempt of Congress”

Memes Create Opportunities! New Ad Campaigns: Sleepy Joe New Spokesman for Bike Helmets; Gavin Newsom Pimps for North Korea

Yikes: Democrats Confused by High Number of Guns, Knives Committing Crimes

Bill Gates Furious To Discover People Prefer Beef to Bugs, Buys Up Farmland to Stop Beef Production

Greenwood Mall Hero to Give Training in Prompt Response to Shooting to Uvalde Police Department

“YOU Will Stop Reading”: Joe Reads Off Teleprompter Yet Again in Embarrassing Incident

Biden Auctions Off Gas Can Used to Collect Oil from Saudis to Gas-Starved Americans

Biden Furious to Discover White House Still Uses MyPillow Bedsheets

NCAA Nominates Dolphin from Atlanta Aquarium as “Swimmer of the Year”

Breaking: Pope Marx Echoes Klaus Schwab, Says to “Eat Ze Bugs”

FBI Announces that It Won’t Investigate Hunter “Because He’s a Democrat”

Bidenflation Makes It Too Expensive to Fly Air Force One Back from the Middle East, Biden Forced to Take Sailboat Instead

“Totally Worth It”: Biden Proudly Surveys Nuclear Wasteland After Sparking War with Iran for “Trans Rights”