NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Recent revelations of what exactly it was that Hunter Biden has been up to for years now, from smoking crack to acting like a pedo, particularly with his niece Natalie, have Republicans and even some Democrats frothing at the mouth and demanding that he be investigated. As someone who has obviously bought illegal drugs (funnily enough the same drugs that Biden demanded stricter sentences for), hired prostitutes from Russian sex trafficking rings (with money he received from Joe), and gotten creepy with young girls (like…
Author: will
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Biden recently took Air Force One to Israel for a two-day meeting with the Israeli Prime Minister and various photo ops with Holocaust survivors, memorials, and the like so that he has pictures with which he can prove his pro-Israel credentials to AIPAC and attack the right as being “Nazis” or “fascists”. While that aspect of the trip went well (other than the gaffe where he said that we need to honor the Holocaust) and he got lots of pictures to use in campaign…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Pressured by the new, woke Prime Minister of Israel to go to war with Iran to stop it from oppressing “LGBTQ+” people in the region, Biden quickly bent to his demands and those of AIPAC, sending the entire fleet of B-2 Spirit bombers to turn Iran into a glowing parking lot. The bomb drop was mostly successful, taking out all major Iranian military bases and cities, but the series of nuclear explosions concerned the Russians and Chinese, who responded to the US attack with their…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Former President Donald Trump’s social media network, Truth Social, has been growing rapidly in recent months as Americans grow more and more tired of the Twitter censorship regime and move to the much more free speech enabling, Trump-controlled app. That’s been great for Trump and his company, as more users means more potential revenue when it starts running advertisements, but still Trump isn’t happy. Why? Because there’s no one on it that he can make fun of. Everyone is conservative, so there aren’t people to…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In what might be the only display of fiscal responsibility to come out of Washington in the past few decades, the same politicians that spent untold millions deploying thousands of National Guard troops to DC to “protect” the Capitol from a guy in a buffalo hat and some guy who cracked a Coors Light while wandering around (only Nancy is allowed to get drunk in the sacred halls of the Capitol!) are claiming that they can’t pay for a program that would send a cop…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In yet another embarrassing moment for the Biden Administration at a time when out of control inflation is ravaging the economy, sky-high gas prices are emptying consumer wallets, foreign policy blunders are being a constant problem, and Americans are growing more and more upset about the state of things, another video of Hunter Biden has dropped and, based on the tone and content of the video, it sure sounds like the “Let’s Go Brandon” movement has another member. That’s because Hunter Biden, who is naked…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Watching the recently leaked video out of Uvalde, which showed a gang of fully armed and armored police officers sitting/standing quietly in the hall as children were murdered by a gunman those cops they did nothing to stop, with one even taking the time to get some hand sanitizer from a machine in a particularly rage-inducing display of insouciance about the ongoing slaughter, gun store owners figured out an ingenious way to stop cops and ATF agents from raiding their stores if Biden’s gun control…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Desperate to be able to haul all nine of his children to Mars to get them away from their moms (his ex-wives and girlfriends), all of whom say bad things about him behind his back now that he’s no longer “seeing them” or “solving the underpopulation crisis” with them, Elon Musk decided to direct the team at SpaceX to help him design a “SpaceX Van” that he could drive them all to Mars in for a nice week with the family, minus their mothers of…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The “mystery” of billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s death has finally been solved thanks to the 4chan hack of Hunter Biden’s iPhone; Hunter was there with Hillary and the duo “rubbed out” Epstein, as characters in old mafia movies might say. The final piece of evidence that “solved the case” was a video that came out as part of the hack and leak, one in which Hunter, a crackhead that bizarrely filmed every illegal thing he did, was walking through the prison in which Epstein was…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. One of our senile president’s most famous lines is that “Cornpop was a bad dude”, referring to his supposed battle with a gang leader named Cornpop at a Deleware pool many years ago. Apparently, Biden, who liked having the black children at the pool feel his blonde leg hair (creepy), used a chain to fend off and intimidate Cornpop, who was wielding a cutthroat razor. Well, in a shocking turn of events, it turns out that Biden’s Cornpop story is mostly true, but that Cornpop…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. 4chan posters and trolls allegedly hacked into Hunter Biden’s phone and dug through the contents and boy are they spicy… there are text messages galore, a video of him walking around pantsless on the beach, a video of him arguing with a hooker about how much crack he has, and, best of all, his contact information for his dad, Joe Biden. Does he have Biden in the phone as “dad”? Not according to the 4chan leak. What about Joe, as that might have seemed more…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Confused Amazon Prime Video executives were left scratching their heads in confusion after finding out that, far from wanting to watch woke content in which odd-looking degenerates preached at them about some random topic that would have been considered insane one and half years ago, American consumers just want to watch good, entertaining content that makes them laugh or keeps them interested. Just that is what was proven this past week when Amazon’s hit show of the summer: The Terminal List, based on the novel of…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Liz Cheney of Wyoming has proven herself to be a persistent thorn in the side of former President Donald Trump, using whatever tools are at her disposal to attack him, smear him, and otherwise make it difficult for him to implement the conservative policies that he wanted to implement. After years of fundraising on the pledge of beating the left, Liz was evidently too uncomfortable with victory to go all in on winning. And so now she has enraged her constituents, using her position to…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following his recent tumble from his bike while attempting to ride it at the beach, Slow Joe Biden was forced by a worry-filled Secret Service to turn in his bike for a tricycle, which they described as “harder to tip over and fall off of”. And so Biden, in a video sure to not help him project an image of strength as he struggles with the optics of his failing mind and similarly failing presidency, could be seen riding an ultra-large version of a little…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Waking up from a long, crack-induced slumber, exhausted despite the 13 hours of sleep because of his struggles as the much-detested son of President Joe Biden, Hunter decided to turn his life around. Not by giving up crack, as that would be far too difficult, no fun at all, and a complete waste of money after he spent his most recent check from China on stocking up on crack rocks, excited to test them out on the free crack pipe he got from his dad’s…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Ghislaine Maxwell was recently sentenced to twenty years in prison for the activities she committed alongside Jeffrey Epstein, though many dissidents on Twitter and Facebook noted that she might be the first person in history convicted of trafficking children to…nobody, as no one she trafficked the children to has been locked up in connection with Ghislaine’s arrest, conviction, and sentencing. And it appears that those connected with Epstein want to keep things that way, particularly the Clinton Kill Squ…err, highly respected founders of the Clinton…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Tired of the Florida political scene and confident that he could make quite the pretty penny in stock options if he managed to turn the company around, Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida decided to drop out of the Florida gubernatorial race and instead use his connections with wealthy businessmen and knowledge of what has made consumers against Disney to present himself as a viable candidate for Disney’s new CEO. He announced that plan when appearing for a press conference in Tampa, wearing a Mickey Mouse-covered,…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Desperate to get the American fertility rate up and do his part in producing the next generation of beautiful people, Elon has reportedly bought a lingerie-modeling company and has been introducing himself to the women working for it, using whatever lines he used on the Neuralink employee that he impregnated to get them to “take a Tesla ride” with him. Discussing what he called the “savvy business move” in an interview with the Babylon Bee’s podcast, Elon said: “Well, so, like as you know, I…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Determined to replace everything in America that existed before wokeness became a thing, Democrats are now demanding that the National Anthem be replaced with something “less racist” that “better reflects the feelings and values of a modern, diverse America.” Nancy Pelosi, making that demand in front of the Smithsonian’s Museum of African-American History, said: “The National Anthem is racist, reactionary, and outdated. It’s well past its prime and needs to be replaced as soon as is possible with something less racist that better reflects the…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Recently, Breitbart reported quite a whopper of a story, finding that the military was demanding soldiers shower with transgenders and threatening them with disciplinary action if they didn’t go into the showers with the transgender soldiers. In its words: The slide instructs soldiers: “Soldiers must accept living and working conditions that are often austere, primitive, and characterized by little or no privacy. … Understand anyone may encounter individuals in barracks, bathrooms, or shower facilities with physical characteristics of the opposite sex despite having the same…