NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following up on the recent news that Pelosi and her Congressional allies are planning on introducing a bill that would stop Congressional stock trades but certainly won’t be passed thanks to the late hour at which it has been introduced and various problems with the bill, a Florida-based hedge fund has decided to expand its algorithmic trading to more fully capture data regarding what stocks members of Congress are trading and make decisions based on that. Describing a pilot program that they’ve been testing over…
Author: will
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Many don’t know this, but the creative genius behind the “Dark Knight” films is actually something of a conservative. “The Dark Knight” exposes the failure with going after ruthless criminals while constrained by an ineffective code of rules, for example, and “The Dark Knight Rises” is a not-so-subtle critique of the French Revolution and Occupy Wall Street protests. Well, now he’s back at it, convincing Christian Bale to come back for a final Dark Knight installment in which Batman returns to Gotham to beat up…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went from particularly bad to somehow even worse for the Biden Administration when, during a press conference meant to convince the world that the US didn’t blow up the Nordstream pipelines, Brandon wandered off stage and went missing. He was later found screaming at a random black guy that his dementia-addled brain thought was Cornpop. What happened was, as video evidence attests, Biden gave a forgettable speech about America being “committed to peace” and being a “global force for good,” comments which drew snickers…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. As World War III looks more likely than ever thanks to a suspected US team or US/Polish team blowing up the Nordstream pipelines off the coast of Denmark and destroying them for good, Team Biden has come out swinging to combat rumors. Not rumors that the US was behind the attack, mind you. Though not openly admitted yet, Team Biden must want the world to think that the US was behind the attack, as it hasn’t yet denied being behind the shocking attack on the…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. According to a breathtaking, undercover report conducted by the always awesome Project Veritas, it appears that Fang Fang, the CCP spy that Congressman Eric Swalwell was sleeping with, isn’t gone for good. Rather, thanks to lax security standards under the Joe Biden Administration, Fang Fang is back in the country and back to her old beau. Well, almost back. Apparently, Hunter Biden is not only back on the market now that he’s finishing up his child support battle with the stripper in Arkansas that he…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In yet another apparent instance of the Clinton kill team doing what needs to be done to protect Killary from oversight or nosy reporters prying into what she and bill might have been up to, it seems that it was not a Navy SEAL team that blew up the Nord Stream pipelines off the coast of Denmark, but rather 4 mercenaries employed by the Clinton Foundation. News on that came from Infowars host Alex Jones, who wore an LBT 6094 plate carrier with Level IV…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. As Hurricane Ian approaches Florida, two main issues have come to the fore. Thanks to our disgustingly degenerate times, both regard the topic of our time: gender. The first is obvious: leftists want to know what pronouns Hurricane Ian uses. Rather than pitch in to help out Florida, make donations to help hurt families rebuild their homes or find food to eat, or otherwise be useful, the crazy degenerates in the DNC are demanding that DeSantis apologize for “using gendered language” when referring to Hurrican…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following the recent hints Trump has been dropping that he has not been intimidated into silence by the Biden regime but rather will be running again in 2024, come what may regarding the Deep State’s inevitable racheting up of the backlash to 11, Liz Cheney had an important announcement to make: if the GOP doesn’t go along with all of her demands and get rid of the bad orange man that said bad orange things about her dad, the war criminal responsible for hundreds of…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden, as we all know, has been releasing oil from the American Strategic Petroleum Reserve in a desperate attempt to keep gas prices down as we head into midterms, making Democrats look at least a little bit better than they otherwise would given the constancy of the gas price crisis during his first year and a half and so in office. Of course, the strategy didn’t really make much sense in June and July. Sure, gas prices were painful, but what effect could a few…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. After biding his time following Biden’s FBI raiding the Trump family’s Mar-a-Lago residence, the Biden FBI going after all the Trump allies it can get its hands on, and some random sheriff in Texas announcing that he’s investigating DeSantis for being almost as bad and mean as the very bad and mean orange man, DeSantis has finally decided to strike back. How so? What’s he doing? He’s hitting Biden hard with an investigation meant to do exactly what the FBI’s investigation was supposed to do…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Slow Joe Biden recently stunned and creeped out a crowd with his story about a girl he knew when he was thirty and she was twelve. Here’s what he said: “You gotta say hi to me. We go back a long way. She was 12, I was 30. But anyway, this woman helped me get an awful lot done.” That remark, which many in the crowd took to be quite creepy, distracted from his general message, which was that guns are bad. In his…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Proving yet again that he just doesn’t grasp what time it is, Senator Lindsey Graham, the probably gay South Carolina Senator, announced that he would be writing a “very strongly worded note” to President Joe Biden after his FBI goons started rounding up conservative Americans and sending them to “reeducation camps” so that they can “learn the error of their ways at the hands of their betters.” Announcing that he would be writing the note during an appearance on Sean Hannity’s Fox News Channel program,…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Appearing once again on CNN, Dr. Fauci recently made an odd comment, saying that he wasn’t “worried about Trump flying all over and spreading Covid everywhere” because Trump “won’t be able to fly much in the future.” No one really knew what to make of that, as it seemed weird for Fauci to be talking about Trump’s travel plans. The two men certainly aren’t friends, so it’s not like they’d be chatting about upcoming travel. Similarly, Covid has been out of the news for weeks…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Taking major action to ensure that their preferred candidates stay in power and the MAGA coalition stays out of the halls of power in DC, Christopher Wray’s Federal Bureau of Investigation has announced that the FBI will, so long as he’s in charge, refrain from investigating any crimes other than “insurrectionists.” Speaking on that in a press conference, Wray said: “America is currently experiencing what might be its most dangerous moment ever. The American people, or at least many of them, are attempting to subvert…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Recently, Kamala Harris defended the Biden Administration’s handling of the border, saying that it was under control despite Chuck Todd’s protestations. That awkward back and forth began when Kamala bizarrely insisted that Trump is responsible for the problems at the southern border, saying: “The border is secure, but we also have a broken immigration system, in particular, over the last four years before we came in, and it needs to be fixed.” Even Chuck Todd wasn’t impressed and pushed back on her claim about the…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. If you’ve been on Twitter recently, you know that it’s not just a dumpster fire full of crazy people screeching about their ill-informed opinions, though that’s certainly a large part of what it is used for by the average consumer. Turns out, it’s also a bastion of anti-Biden sentiment. On pretty much any even semi-political post, particularly ones coming from large accounts, the comments section turns into a no-holds-barred brawl between Biden haters and people whose typical profile picture is of them in a mask,…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went about as poorly as possible when President Biden, during an interview with CNN’s Don Lemon meant to show that Biden is alert and ready to be president and that Lemon has certainly not been demoted despite having been moved from primetime to morning tv, forgot his own name when discussing his mental aptitude for the presidency. Lemon set things up by saying: “Mr President, like me you have been the subject of vicious smears, vicious rumors in the past days and months. Now…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Normally funerals are sad affairs. Even if bittersweet thanks to the person who passed having lived a long and full life, as was the case with Queen Elizabeth II, they’re still normally somewhat moving and sad for all involved. But Biden had the time of his life at the funeral and post-funeral state dinner following the funeral for Queen Elizabeth II. Why? Because he was put in the kids’ section during the service and the kids’ table during the state dinner. Thanks to that, he…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Though President Joe Biden is a senile moron that has the mental and physical capacity of a rotting eggplant, he’d very much still like to project an image of strength. Hence why he wears his aviators everywhere he goes, keeps trying to roll up his sleeves and start yelling about this, that, or the other, and gave that ridiculous speech in front of a pair of Marines in their dress blues while a deep red light was projected behind him. But, the sad truth for…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Taking action to “save” America after the inflation crisis that began a few months into his regime started making things far, far worse for the average American, President Slow Joe Biden has announced an ice cream subsidy that he claims will help Americans find “cheap, easy access to the calories they need.” Because the one thing America needs is more high-density, sugar-based calories crammed down their gullets for next to nothing in cost. What could go wrong? Announcing the policy from the White House balcony…