NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. No wonder former President Trump got so mad when the FBI raided his house: turns out, it wasn’t just that the goons were rifling through his things, tearing his office apart, and potentially planting evidence on him. No, as if all that weren’t enough, they also did their best to humiliate him and his gorgeous wife, Melania Trump, breaking into their bedroom and invading their privacy, tossing everything about while searching for those “documents” that Trump had declassified while president. Absurd stuff, but it gets…
Author: will
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Admiral Rachel Levine is one of those tokens that the Brandon Administration trots out to show how diverse and forward-thinking it is, “look,” they say, “we have our very own clown person that shows everyone how powerful the US is, in that they have to bow down to ‘Admiral Levine’ in the way that Caligula forced Senators to bow to his horse.” But, more than just getting to go to fun events like that at the French embassy that he recently, Rachel Levine more just…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went about as poorly as could be expected given the litany of failures and civilian casualties that was the war on terror when a rogue CIA official operating out of a secret base in Tampa tried to “take out” Trump with a hellfire missile fired from a Predator drone flying over Florida for the ostensible purpose of “drug interdiction.” The agent, one of many Trump haters in the agency, was emboldened by former CIA director Michael Hayden’s call for Trump’s execution on Twitter and…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. After yesterday’s angry statement about how good of a job the FBI is doing and how the real problem isn’t that it acted like the Stasi for the Democrats but rather than the GOP and many MAGA voters have reacted with anger to the FBI’s raid on Donald Trump’s home and thumbing through Melania’s clothes, a statement that did nothing to improve the FBI’s image in the eyes of the average American, AG Garland realized (belatedly) that a change in course was needed. Not a…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In a move that shocked even those who have kept up with how woke American universities have gotten (though it probably shouldn’t have been all that shocking, given the trend in recent years), the administration of Harvard announced that it would be getting rid of the entirety of its classics department and what segments of its history department touched on classical antiquity because the “Romans and Greeks had slaves.” Commenting on that, Harvard’s assistant to the Diversity Deam, Matubu Abawimbe (he changed his name to…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In yet another embarrassing slip-up and distraction for the Biden Administration, Hunter Biden made major waves by logging into his Google account while high on crack and posting a five star review for a crack house in Arkansas. In the review, Hunter, who was almost certainly high at the time, rambled a good bit but made sure to mention about 7 different illegal activities he had been involved in while at the crack house and misspelled almost every other word, saying, in part: “this place…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Trump just trolled the FBI in a hilarious way after finding out that there was a mole within his inner-circle, letting it be known that he had “many boxes of sensitive information” that he has hidden all over his golf courses, particularly the Aberdeenshire golf course and Bedminster, NJ golf course. The FBI, not wanting to let the paper inside the boxes rot or let Trump get away with hiding information, decided it needed to take dramatic action to collect the documents and do…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Meta recently developed an AI chatbot and, as could be predicted, the results of that were hilarious: the bot believes the 2020 election was rigged and that Jewish people run the economy (this part is actually real, not satire). Here’s what Bloomberg reported about the chatbot: Facebook parent company Meta released BlenderBot 3 on Friday to users in the US, who can provide feedback if they receive off-topic or unrealistic answers. A further feature of BlenderBot 3 is its ability to search the internet to…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following the absurd, obviously precedent-shattering FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence, Americans around the country have rallied to Trump’s defense, appearing outside FBI field offices, state government buildings, and the FBI Hoover Building in DC to protest against the DOJ’s drift toward tyranny. During those tense protests, protests full of anger directed toward the FBI, a common chant has been the “F*** Joe Biden” chant that grew so popular last fall during football games and other sporting events, when Americans around the nation banded together…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Slow Joe was worse than usual during a speech he attempted to give on Thursday afternoon; he wandered off script about every time there was a paragraph break, kept a hacking cough going throughout the entire speech, and, in what might be his worst moment yet, forgot he wasn’t in the bathroom and started urinating on stage. The speech began awkwardly, with Biden being propelled to the podium by his handlers and then, after getting there, forgetting what he was supposed to be doing on…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following the high-profile FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence, Nancy Pelosi tried to add some humor to the situation by posting a video on Instagram of her making a drink she called a “cool ya off vodka,” which was approximately 16 oz of vodka with a singular ice cube and a quick splash of lemonade. Sipping the concoction while eating some special gelato out of the freezer she showed off during Covid, Nance quickly got drunk and went on a long ramble about how she’ll…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. One thing the Biden Administration has done its very best to keep hidden is that, despite his having hired Mayor Pete Buttigieg to be the Transportation Secretary, Biden doesn’t really like gay people all that much. A man of his time, which was like a century ago, Biden still is off-put by the idea of sodomy and isn’t all that big of a fan of having men that like to do that do each other around him. He manages to keep quiet about it, unlike…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The FBI was, though obviously nervous about answering most questions regarding its raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence, happy to make one fact perfectly clear: all 30 of the plain clothes jackboots that raided the residence were “Black or Indigenous People of Color,” or BIPOCs for short. FBI Director Christopher Wray, dragged before Congress to testify about the incident and the potential abuse of political power that many contend that it shows, generally brushed off questions about the abuse of power and cracking down on the…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Hunter Biden, influence-peddling crack smoker and son of the current president (along with being “the smartest guy” Joe knows, by Joe’s own admission), has been lying low the last few weeks, staying out of the media spotlight as his dad and the Democrats desperately try to counter the multi-faceted, very negative narrative with which they are contending thanks to the steep decline America has taken in recent years. But it turns out, thanks to some internet sleuths tracking his jet, that Hunter wasn’t just lying…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. We all knew that Trump was a genius, but it turns out that he might be even smarter than we expected, more able to make attacks on him slide off him like water off a duck’s back. What happened? Well, he apparently filled his safe not with the incriminating evidence that the FBI wanted or documents the National Archive was supposedly interested in that were the basis of the raid, but rather just pictures of Hunter Biden smoking crack. Trump has so far refrained from…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Furious over the FBI raid of his Mar-a-Lago home, former President Donald Trump has announced a new strategy for avoiding FBI attacks on his information and dodging future attempts to intimidate him into being quiet. Announcing that plan during a phone call with Fox News Channel’s Sean Hannity, Trump said: “Look, I have nothing to hide, nothing. Everything I did as president was completely perfect. Just ask. Everyone will say so, let me tell you what, everyone. “But I like the FBI losers crawling around…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Why hasn’t the FBI looked into Epstein’s associates, the dozens of people that flew to his private island to do unspeakable things to and with young girls? Many suspected that it hasn’t done so because of either it being compromised by people close to Epstein and so not wanting to look into the issue or because Epstein was actually an agent of an intelligence service, most likely Mossad or Israeli Military Intelligence (the father his lover Ghislaine Maxwell, Robert Maxwell, was a well-known Israeli agent…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. What’s up with the FBI raiding Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home? Turns out, Hunter Biden and his friends in the CCP are behind it. News on that comes from a disconcerted FBI agent who, though perfectly okay with persecuting Trump, was not okay with working alongside Red China. He, speaking on a condition of anonymity over a burner phone because of fears over what the Chinese “advisors” to the FBI will do to him if he’s caught, said: “Yeah, so like, we were looking for ways to…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Windbreakers are out at the FBI and Hugo Boss redesigns of the Stasi uniforms from 1950-60 East Germany are in, according to FBI Director Christopher Wray. He, in a very short press conference in which he did not take or respond to comments about the recent FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence, said: “We at the FBI, following the recent raid and other actions we’ve taken at the behest of the Biden Administration and Liz Cheney types in the legislature, have decided that we need…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden’s FBI recently raided Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home and even, as he lamented in a “Save America” statement, broke into his safe, presumably taking the contents of it for their “investigation” into his not being a steadfast supporter of Brandon. Despite the horrible, banana republic-like optics raid, however, the FBI refused to comment, seemingly embarrassed by what happened. Now we know why, and no, it’s not that somewhat over at the FBI finally developed a conscience and decided that what they had done was absolutely beyond…