NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Hillary Clinton was recently caught in an “insurrection” of her own, as she was spotted prowling around the Supreme Court near Justice Clarence Thomas’ judicial chambers late at night, wearing a fake mustache and carrying a suspicious backpack. Caught on video by a bored security guard, Clinton tried using a bobby pin to pick the lock on Thomas’ door, but was unable to do so and instead got it stuck. Unwilling to leave it, mostly likely because her fingerprints and hair were on it, she…
Author: will
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It’s Paul Bunyan day and so the left is of course doing to him and his memory what they did to Christopher Columbus, canceling him and his memory in the name of better-reflecting values that (for them) have changed dramatically since the days of old. For those who don’t remember, Paul Bunyan is a myth of a super human lumberjack that traveled with a blue ox, chopping trees across the American (or Canadian, depending on the legend) forests of the frontier. His is a classic…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Though Trump gave the glory for his recent wins to God during a recent rally in Illinois, many others on the right, particularly the MAGA right, have attributed the victory to him. As they see it, it’s only because Trump did so well in fighting against Killary in the 2016 election and won the presidency for 2017-20121 that the GOP was able to install three new conservative justices, and only because of Trump’s strength that the justices were such good picks. But, while many on…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. With his Twitter deal on pause given the bot issue and the decline in Tesla’s share price due to the Biden disaster causing a market meltdown, Elon’s been looking for another project to throw his money at and hinted that it might take the form of turning around something significantly less valuable than Twitter: the hell hole that is Chicago. He announced as much on Twitter in what was probably a troll (though it’s hard to tell with him), Elon first posted a meme of…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following up on the massive slew of courtroom victories last week, Justice Clarence Thomas fired off another absolute winner of a decision to kick off this week, ruling that Joe Biden was “so senile it was hard to believe he could even eat oatmeal” and “too dumb to be president”, and so would have to be removed from office. Discussing the issue and remedy in that decision for the case All of America vs. the Senile Moron in Charge, Clarence Thomas wrote: “We find that…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following the Supreme Court’s decision to release Dobbs and, in it, remove the right to abortion by finding it to not be a fundamental right, thus returning the issue to the states and overturning Roe and Casey, Biden’s handlers had to take dramatic action to keep him in charge of the wokies. That they did by snatching his “cheat card” (picture of the old cheat cart viewable below) out of his hands and replaced it with another one that better reflects the current circumstances so…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following the Supreme Court’s awesome and excellent decision in Dobbs, the leftist organization Planned Parenthood faced a yuge problem: thanks to the conservative victory in the courts and the massive win that it represented, the right was on a roll and willing to start taking more emphatic and direct action against its enemies. And one of those enemies is obviously Planned Parenthood, which routinely shills for Democrats and is obviously at odds with the right by its mere existence. So the GOP in red states…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In a widely unexpected move this week, Hillary Clinton denied planning on running in the 2024 election, saying that her doing so was “out of the question” and that Biden needed to be reelected. Now we know why, and it’s not that the Wicked Witch of the West suddenly grew a heart like the Grinch and suddenly wanted to help out Brandon. Rather, it’s that Hillary, Biden, and Hunter Biden found themselves in a Mexican standoff of sorts, and Hillary, shockingly the smartest among the…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It was recently announced that Team Biden has decided to ban Juul, the popular e-cig beloved by college kids and recent grads around the nation, demanding that tobacco shops stop selling the devices and the popular pods for them. “But why?”, many people asked. “Why would Biden want to ban what’s largely a safer, less expensive, and less polluting alternative to smoking?” Some bickering back and forth happened, with those who think Biden is a China hawk arguing that the decision came because Biden is…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Joe Biden has long harbored particular enmity against Cornpop, the “bad dude” who threatened him while he was lifeguarding at a Delaware pool as a young man, forcing Biden to confront him with a chain while he wielded a cutthroat razor. Or, at least, that’s the story Biden told while discussing how young black children liked to feel the hair on his legs… Anyway, Biden recently let it slip that his recently declared war on menthol cigarettes, which he hopes to ban, is not…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Billy McGee is, at first glance, a normal seven-year-old kid. He plays baseball with his friends in his backyard, loves watching cartoons in the morning, collects baseball cards, and is a renowned Nintendo DS master on the school bus. But recently Billy, after hearing a blue-haired teacher tell him that he could be anything he wants to be, decided that he’s not really a young boy. Rather, he’s a juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex, particularly when it comes to dinner time. Billy, speaking on that decision to…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Though the Supreme Court yet again dodged the Dobbs case on the 23rd, releasing number of cases that had nothing to do with the most contentious issue it is currently tackling, Americans around the country, particularly young ones, were thrilled with its ruling in “Tyler v. Tyler’s Dad”, a case that pitted a tech-savvy teenager against his 45-year-old father. The Tyler case tackled whether it is permissible to call someone to ask a question, give an update, or otherwise request or give information when a…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Well the Supreme Court finally did it: the conservative majority did what conservatives have been promising to do for decades and overturned Roe and Casey, finding that there is no fundamental right to abortion and thus that the issue should return to the states, which will decide if abortion is allowed in their borders. Leftists, predictably, went beyond berserk, with the “burning, looting, and murdering” that happened during the 2020-21 BLM riots happening again but with all the more intensity as raging leftists went wild…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. What’s woke Disney doing to fight back against the “racist” Supreme Court’s decision to overturn the current abortion regime and return the issue of abortion to the states, as used to be the case? It announced, in a press conference only rivaled for air time by the orgies of violence taking place around the country, that it would be “fighting the decision in the cultural realm” by “inserting an abortion scene” into the next Star Wars movie. According to a press release fired off by…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Klaus Schwab and the World Economic Forum want you to “eat ze bugs”, as they see insects as a more sustainable and environment-friendly form of protein and sustenance than beef, chicken, or pork, all of which they describe as “terrible” for the environment. And so, to try and make their dream of bug-based diets a reality, Klaus and his friends at the WEF sunk billions into “EZB Catering” (EZB standing for eat ze bugs), which was meant to be a globe-spanning catering service that delivers…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. A “bipartisan” group of Senators composing the American uniparty just agreed on a gun control “framework” that includes funding for state-level red flag laws, laws that will supposedly be used to disarm those that pose a threat to themselves or others. While much back-patting ensued as the Uniparty members congratulated themselves on attacking the rights of their fellow Americans, with Lindsey Graham even doing a strip tease for them in celebration. But that cheery attitude quickly turned to worry as Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Investors everywhere are looking for Alpha (outsized returns) as the stock market tanks and their portfolios blow up, looking desperately for a way to somehow stave off collapse and ensure they’ll still be able to retire on time, buy that house they’ve been eyeing for years, or pay for their kids to go to college. That’s harder than ever with the “everything bubble” popping, as the Bidenflation disaster, Federal Reserve raising rates, Russian invasion, and food concerns have made the whole financial world a disaster.…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Billionaire Bill Gates just took another step to enforce his climate agenda, buying water bottling giant “Dasani” and replacing its fresh spring water with his (in)famous “reclaimed poop water”, which he claims is far better for the environment than normal person water. Describing why he did so in a statement to MSNBC, Gates said, while eating a bag of canola-fried cockroaches that Klaus Schwab had made for him and delivered to him, that: “So most water bottlers just collect water from springs, put it in…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Twitter addicts everywhere were shocked on Tuesday when the service, which had decided to try using solar power to power its servers in the name of “cutting carbon emissions”, blinked out for a few hours after clouds formed above the solar panels. With the service down, various anonymous posters and wannabe blue checks were forced to turn off their phones, close out their browsers, and go talk to real people for a few hours while Twitter hooked its servers back up to the carbon-powered power…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Recently found shreds of a cloak believed to have been worn by Jesus during the events described in the New Testament have been found in an abandoned Knights Templar redoubt buried deep in the hills of Judaea. Apparently, a team of researchers and archaeologists used an old map that they found in a medieval castle in Toulon, a castle once owned by a Grand Master in the Knights Templar, to find the cave fastness and enter it. Inside, they found a variety of historical treasures…