Author: will

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Hunter Biden has remained surprisingly silent about the whole Supreme Court leak, along with the other issues that have cropped up recently. Why? Because between Russia’s predations abroad and chaos at home, Hunter’s sniffing an opportunity to get away from the investigation into him. Speaking about that in an email of his to a friend in China (Premier Xi) that was leaked (turns out the password for his hunterlovescrack@gmail.com email address is “boobz”), Hunter said: “Yeah, things were looking bad a few months ago when news was…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The FBI should be investigating the Supreme Court to find out who leaked the Alito opinion (cough, Sotomayor the “wise Latina”, cough). Unfortunately for all those interested in justice, however, the FBI has announced that it’s just too busy hunting down Jussie Smollett’s racist attacker to figure out who crossed the Rubicon and leaked from the nation’s highest court, something that’s almost never happened before. Speaking on that, FBI Director Christopher Wray gave a press conference and said: “We understand that people are angry, we understand that…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Credit where credit is due, the following article was inspired by this hilarious tweet: https://twitter.com/jake_neidert/status/1521296553989844992?s=11 Always one to fight for whatever evil opinion she believes in, even death wasn’t enough to stop former Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg from calling in to CNN’s direct line from hell and speaking out against the Alito abortion decision, saying: “Well, I was speaking to the Dark Lord a moment ago in my respite from the furious fires of eternal damnation and he, like me, agreed that Alito’s decision is…

NOTE: This article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Hunter Biden, son of President Joe Biden, got in major trouble with Delaware state troopers on the weekend when he was pulled over for going 90 mph in a 45 mph zone. The cop, not even bothering to glance at Hunter’s ID, which is where the problem began, yanked him from the high-end Tesla he was driving and carted him off to jail. Hunter, who had been busy smoking crack when the trooper pulled him over, was way too gone to bother demanding the cop let…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Joe Biden thought he was pulling a fast one on Elon Musk with the creation of the Disinformation Governance Board. Well, he might not have; according to our anonymous White House source he was busy looking for ice cream the day it was announced and ended up accidentally eating a jar of mayo and some raisins. But, Team Biden generally, according to that source, was pretty happy with their idea, thinking that they’d found a way to make Elon’s purchase a waste of money: who cares…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It was yet another awkward day for Team Biden, which was humiliated when a gaggle of spokesmen for its new Ministry of Truth was asked by Senators Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) to define “the truth”. The idiocy started from the first response that slipped out. Immediately after being asked the question, one of the nameless, gray-suit-clad bureaucrats screeched “I’m not in the ministry of Truth, how am I supposed to define truth?” She was then reminded by Senator Cruz that she was, in fact,…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things got weird at the Kings Ridge Episcopal Church on Sunday when the congregation decided to, in the name of “Christian charity” and “inclusiveness” toss out “that whole Bible thing” so as to make woke congregants and non-Christians feel welcome. Dan Smith, the recently appointed head of the congregation’s “People’s Committee” had this to say about the decision: “Well, what we realized is that the Bible isn’t really suitable for modernity, particularly if one doesn’t want to look like some sort of wackjob reactionary. “I mean, just…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. On one level, the left’s resistance to Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter makes total sense. Why would the leftist, corporate media want the censorship to come to an end? It benefits from its enemies being silenced by censors and algorithms while it prints whatever it wants and gets away with it. But, on the other hand, the fury with which journalists, people only around and free to do as they please because of the 1st Amendment, have reacted is so surprising. What is it about Elon’s purchase…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Opening day of deer season last year was a rough day of hunting for Bill, a deer hunter in Tennessee. Travelling out to the local hunting club the night before, he’d been excited to try out his new gear and rifle and confident of achieving some sort of success. The problem came the next morning, a problem brought about by a recent diversity training seminar at the bank he worked at as a wealth management consultant. That training, you see, taught him that gender isn’t discernable by…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such; A lesson that anyone who uses the internet for business should have learned long ago is that if you leave a poll or vote open where the random, anonymous voters can say and vote for whatever they want, you’ll get a ridiculous result. Unfortunately, many businesses are still staffed by people who have no idea what they’re doing on the internet, so many “submit/vote for x” online polls end in disaster, particularly if the results are public. Such was the case with a new documentary about Hunter…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. “Philosopher King James,” the celebrated mind of the court, the king of the court and political sphere known to go “hard in da paint” when it comes to both reasonably and intelligently articulating political thoughts and when it comes to dribbling a bouncy ball around a court, has been known to offer his opinions on what police officers should do when faced with life threatening situations. Whenever some thug is shot while acting violently, he bravely and passionately jumps into the debate, proffering an opinion that is…

NOTE: This article is satirical. Though based on a joke tweet of Elon Musk’s (read about that tweet here), it is neither factual nor meant to be taken as such. Things got even worse and more awkward for the Biden Administration that usual on Friday, April 29th. What happened was that the president’s son, Hunter Biden, saw a recent tweet of Elon Musk’s that pledged to put cocaine back in Coca-Cola and decided to emerge from hiding to publically back Elon in the hope that the tweet was real. To do so, Hunter, without informing anyone in the White House…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things took an awkward turn in the White House on Thursday, when members of the White House Committee on Stopping Drug Use, an organization that hasn’t really been paid much attention, released a new ad about the dangers of drug use. While relatively tolerable to both Democrats and Republicans, given its focus on the need to have understanding when dealing with drug users and their addictions while also highlighting the dangers of drug addiction and the ravages of the cartels, the advertisement drove the White House crazy,…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It’s been a long, worrisome day at the White House. Why? Because Slow Joe went missing and no one has been able to find him despite hours of searching. An anonymous insider, leaking details about the situation to us, had this to say: “So here’s what happened: we were having a fine morning, trying to deal with whatever Joe said incorrectly yesterday while managing what Psaki was going to say about the crises abroad, the inflation crisis, and the general disaster zone at the border.  “That was…

NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. It was a rough day for Slow Joe Biden and his team at the White House. Why? Because when trying to give a speech on American vitality and weathering the storm of world events, Biden dozed off. The camera kept rolling and he was utterly humiliated. Biden, speaking about how America can make it through the current crisis, said: “It’s no big deal, Jack. It’s no big deal. This is America! If you gotta pay some more for some blueberries so we can do the thing over there with the…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Elon Musk, after having spent $44 billion dollars to buy Twitter, decided to do the best thing possible and just delete it for good, making the last post on the platform “the dumpster fire has been extinguished” and then logging off and deleting the service. The move was widely applauded by everyone except for the ~10,000 grifters who were only popular because they did a good job stealing other people’s ideas and posting them on Twitter to much acclaim from bots they bought to make it look…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In a bold move sure to infuriate some parts of his liberal base, particularly some of the members of the minority coalition that generally supports him, Biden and his administration have taken a bold step forward, pledging to ban menthol cigarettes. The decision has already drawn the ire of some in the African-American community, as the Hill reported (this part of an otherwise satirical piece is real), saying: The Biden administration’s move to ban menthol cigarettes has the Black community split, with the ban’s supporters arguing it…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact, treat it as such. Furious at the conservative attacks on “Dr.” Anthony Fauci that are growing ever louder as Elon gets closer to controlling Twitter and wanting to strike a blow for “the science” that Fauci boldly declared that he represents, a group of liberals in a mostly online group called the “Fauci Fan Club” decided to join the church of Scientology. So, on a random Saturday morning, Scientologist centers around the country were descended on by packs of malnurished-looking, mask-wearing liberals that claimed to be there out of respect for…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The Swiss people have long relied on their neutrality to avoid getting drawn into disastrous wars and the cataclysms that the other European powers inflicted on each other in the name of ideology or glory. However, they’re getting worried. While that neutrality was enough to fend off even the lunatic warmongers in the Third Reich, it looks like neutrality might no longer be enough to be treated as a…neutral. In fact, some are even saying that neutrality is either “literally Hitler” or “literally violence.” That’s coming from…

NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Democrats were more than a tad unhappy when they found out that Elon Musk would be buying Twitter and turning it into a platform that respects the 1st Amendment rights of its users. They then got even more infuriated when he declared that all speech protected under the 1st Amendment would be protected on the platform, being as it is a modern public square. But, rather than reflecting on America’s founding values and perhaps why the founders thought that the 1st Amendment was important and worth protecting,…